The Expendables 3:
A Cinematic Orgy Of Stars
Trailor for The Expendables 3.
Stallone and Company Are Preparing To Roll Out The Third Film Of Their Expendables Saga Featuring More Explosions, More One Liners, And The Addition of Han Solo, Simon Phoenix And Martin Riggs
By Jeff Moses
Modern Times Magazine
Feb. 2, 2013 — I just saw what must be one of the first trailers for the upcoming The Expendables 3 film and to be honest, I could not possibly be more excited about it.
First of all, if I was any more excited than I currently am I’d feel pretty stupid, because it is just an action film. But also because Sylvester Stallone and company are working with a proven, if a bit ironic, hollywood blockbuster formula.
So they made the first The Expendables in 2010, which brought together some of the biggest action heros of the 80s, 90s and 2000s, and mixed in a few professional wrestlers and other sorts of toughies for flavor. They then made a movie using the tried-and-true theme of “rescue the village from the evildoers.” Lo and behold — and thanks to hundreds of explosions, one liners and star power — the movie made a ton of money.
I knew The Expendables was a classic in the action movie genre when a pirate got shot in half in the opening scene. Sometimes that’s just all it takes to know a movie will be great. It also does not hurt to have Stallone, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and the rest starring in a move. As well as cameos by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis.
So Stallone saved the day, all the heros lived and everyone lived happily ever after.
Until, that’s right, sequel time.
The sequel came in 2012, and how does the biggest and baddest action film of all time get bigger and badder? Less plot to follow, more explosions, more one liners, more ‘has been’ celebrities, and of course more inane pop culture: i.e. the whole Chuck Norris bit in the film.
In The Expendables 2, the team loses a comrade — of course the youngest and newest member of the team because they cannot be killing off the star power. The team then goes on a revenge mission to exterminate the films’ villain, played by Jean Claude Van Damme, who just so happens to be conveniently named “Vilain.”
About 100 explosions and several hundred dead bodies later, after one of the best Hollywood showdowns ever in Rocky Balboa Vs. Frank Dux — for an action movie fan this is the equivalent of Bruce Lee Vs. Muhammad Ali — and the expendables save the day.
The film still manages to fill its role of a big, campy over-the-top action film, with beefed up parts for Schwarzenegger and Willis, as well as the addition of Van Damme as the villain and the Norris cameo.
So for the third installment, one would think that Stallone and the crew would want to get back to the basics of action films, you know a good love story, Kool-Aid packet blood squibs, and montages of guys getting ready to “roll out.”
Oh wait, no you would not expect that at all, what you would expect is for The Expendables 3 to return the entire cast as well as add Harrison Ford, Wesley Snipes, Antonio Banderas, and Mel Gibson. That’s right kids, The Expendables 3 is entering a whole new realm of mega badassdom by adding Martin Riggs, El Mariachi, Simon Phoenix, and freakin’ Indiana Jones to the movie!
Do you feel that? That’s your pre-pubescent heart being penetrated by the thought of all of your childhood heroes coming together to kill and maim in a purely fantastical cinematic orgy. The filmmakers might have actually managed to make the third installment a crowning achievement to the greatest action film series of all time.
Now who’s going with me to see it in 2014?
Jeff Moses a senior contributor at Modern Times Magazine. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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