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Sen. Russell Pearce announces
underwear on the outside bill

Sen. Russell Pearce of Arizona at a Tea Party Rally in Phoenix in 2010.
Sponsor of SB 1070 says it is the only way to check if everyone is changing their underwear every half-hour


By Mark Miwerdz

PHOENIX -- State Sen. Russell Pearce, a staunch supporter of immigration reform and the sponsor of the infamous SB 1070, has told supporters he will be introducing a bill titled "Support our Support and 16 Years Old" in the next legislative session.

"All citizens will be required to change their underwear every half-hour. Underwear will be worn on the outside, so we can check.

Furthermore, all children under 16 years old will now be...16 years old!" Pearce said to a Tea Party audience who erupted into cheers upon the announcement.

Critics have pointed to the fact that if such a law was enacted, thousands, if not millions, of pants could be unjustly soiled. They also pointed to the fact that if all children under 16 do become 16, the roads would probably get very crowded and perhaps dangerous.

Palmer Woodrow, spokesman for the ACLU in Phoenix, lambasted the potential legislation.

"This is a travesty. It's a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham," Woodrow said.

When told of Woodrow's comments, Pearce warned the ACLU spokesman that someone might look into his background.

"I think Mr. Woodrow is a traitor to this country because his views are different from the views of the (former) President and others of his kind. Differences of opinion should be tolerated, but not when they're too different. Then he becomes a subversive mother," he said.

According to documents sent to the Modern Times Magazine's Lighter Side division, the bill initially included a provision that would change the official state language to Swedish, but reportedly, Pearce finally decided against such a measure since he cannot speak Swedish.
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