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Gay-Kiss Gate Rocks The

Foundation Of ESPN Nation

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The Hometown Movement Promoting Healthy Old-time Boyhood Experience, or HoMoPHOBE, Responds To The NFL Draft’s Homosexual Debacle With A Diatribe That Defends Yet Vilifies

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By John Straightman
Special for Modern Times Magazine

May 14, 2014 — Last weekend the entire sports loving world was forced, by ESPN, to witness an absolute abomination on live television. The “worldwide leader in sports” decided to show St. Louis Rams draftee Michael Sam lean over and kiss his homosexual partner on the mouth following the announcement that he was drafted.

We cannot allow this!

We at the Hometown Movement Promoting Healthy Old-time Boyhood Experiences, or HoMoPHOBE, are not anti-gay, I cannot stress that enough.

Some sports are tailor-made for gays — like skating, tennis, competitive horse riding, and dog shows. Such sports are perfectly acceptable for the gays to participate in. We can even bend on the team sports aspect of it for certain sports such as synchronized swimming, team figure skating, and the WNBA.

But what we at HoMoPHOBE cannot allow is homosexuality to penetrate and infiltrate our great American pastimes like the NFL, the NBA, the NHL, and MLB.  ESPN airing that kiss is an assault on not only the American sports culture, but also on the American way of life.

The Worldwide Leader in Sports seems like its now the Worldwide Leader In Attractive Gay Men!

A locker room should be a sacred place where men can be naked in front of other men, whip each other with wet towels, and bask in fine masculine traditions. How are men ever supposed to feel comfortable doing that if we allow homosexuals to inhabit those very rooms?

What if snapping a guy with a wet towel becomes more than masculine jocularity but a pickup line for our young men of tomorrow?

The problem goes much farther than just the locker rooms, however. This acceptance of gay culture into sports culture could be catastrophic for our American coaches. How are these hardworking people ever supposed to motivate their team by calling them gay if they don’t act like a wild animal?

Worse, what if one of the players says yes? And, that coach had helped him wash his back one time and had no idea the boy might have liked it!

It’s just absurd.

HoMoPHOBE will not stand for this brazen disregard for the rights of straight athletes, nor will we allow homosexuality to infiltrate the National Football League.

Sure, men like Michael Sam are attractive, energetic, men. With their strong, toned bodies, they have had to live a secret life, yearning to reach out and share their love with their fellow teammates and coaches. Two sweaty, athletic young men in their prime, touching, and grabbing.

Most of us at HoMoPHOBE played sports when we were younger and most of us had some friends or heard that a couple guys got “funny” in the locker room or on a road trip. I do remember one time at football camp waking up in my cot with two of my friends and we were all naked, but to this day, we all deny knowing how we got there.

Its true, we all deny knowing it.

And even if we did remember, we would have the decency to kiss a girl on the ESPN! We would push it down deep. Real deep.

We call for a return to the way such feelings have been handled for most of the post-War period: push them deep inside and go on with your life.

Now that Michael Sam has brought his sexual energy to ESPN who knows what sort of floodgates will open?

HoMoPHOBES, unite!
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