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Chapter 24: "On The Bright Side"


He got up off the bed, picked up a revolver off the bedside table, and went to answer the door in his underwear. He opened it wide, and, standing there on his doorstep were his girlfriends Sandy and Kitty Licker, neither of whom had he seen in at least a week—but looking cherry as always—along with two other gals.


“Heya Rick. Mind if we come in?” Sandy greeted him. He held the door open. Sandy kissed him on the cheek, and headed for the couch. Kitty, in her MC's Ale House get-up, hugged Thompson, then showed herself to the restroom. He shook hands with the other two strange women, and Sandy introduced them as Becca and Veronica Roller, of the Phoenix Bloody Rollers banked track derby squad.

“We're very sorry to hear about Scott,” Veronica said, immediately. Kitty returned from the restroom, having changed out of her work clothes, and into a pair of jeans she had previously left behind at Thompson's apartment.

Sandy chimed in: “We're sorry about your friend. We know you've had a long day. But, we do have some good news, though.”

Thompson managed a smile. “Ladies, what have you? I'm all ears,” he said, his spirits steady.

“Well, we know who, exactly, did it, and how, and why, and where they are. And the Rollers have traveled all the way here to help us fuck them up good,” Sandy answered.

“Nothing surprises me, not out of you ladies, not anymore,” Thompson said. “Lay it on me.” The detective braced himself for a freaky answer, and his expectations were not disappointed.

Kitty did the honors: “We have been slightly holding out on you, policeman and friend and lover of ours. We have a connection with the furry monster ladies, in the sense that they represent the derelict, ruined, and damned souls of our family tree,” she said. At that moment, they all gently came out to Thompson, just like Becca and Veronica had done for Detective Lopez—but in this case, they all four glowed and purred and strobed at the same time.

Thompson lit a cigarette. “Hole-eeee shit,” he said, remaining surprisingly steadily. “Now I know how it is you girls are so charming.” Kitty, who was the closest thing Thompson had to a girlfriend at the time, kissed him quickly, wanting to make sure he remained comfortable in light of their revealing themselves as more than mere human women.

“So we can track them, and do away with them, quite naturally. They have become a nuisance, and we need to put a stop to it,” Sandy said.

“I'm at your service,” he said.

“And we at yours,” she answered.

“What about the sharks, and the axe murders?” he asked.

Veronica answered. “Seems like the sharks are acting under the witching influence of the unclean ones—they're kinda hijacking their fish brains, just for thrills, shits, and giggles, basically, and joy riding them about on land—raping people, killing people, making bloody messes in public, and other various general wanton mischief. But the source there is the furballs, not the sharks themselves,” she said. “So we snuff the furries, and the shark issue goes away, too. I think. But until then, watch out for sharks.”

End of Book No. 2


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