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Phoenix Haboob Caused By Mexican Infiltrators

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A haboob enters Phoenix..
Border Groups Claim Mexican Crime Groups Have Perfected Weather Technology To Hide Shipments

By Fineas Nemo
Special for Modern Times Magazine

July 13, 2011 — Mexican Crime Groups, including the notorious El Viento gang, have been accused of creating the haboob that engulfed central Arizona and the Phoenix metropolitan area last week.

According to an anonymous source with close ties to people who know a couple members of the Minutemen Project, smugglers have been financing scientific investigations into weather manipulation for decades and have learned how to create giant windstorms in order to hide drug shipments and border crossers. The source said the creation of the storm was coordinated with several specially prepared vehicles and airplanes that hauled thousands of illegal immigrants and millions in drugs.

“They have known for years that extreme weather is the perfect cover for smuggling, so if they can control it and know when it will ebb and flow, they can use it to their advantage,” the source said. “Supposedly, the method has something to do with seeding the clouds. Apparently, when a chemist was testing a new drug and the lab blew to holy hell one day, it was like a hurricane with 50 mph winds and buckets of rain — just over the wrecked lab site — for an entire month.”

Apparently, the drug financed scientists learned the precise amounts to be effective. They also found the right place within weather systems where the compound should be delivered in order to achieve the desired result.

The National Weather Service declined to comment if such a technology was possible, referring questions from the Modern Times Magazine Lighter Side Division to the Central Intelligence Agency. The CIA did not answer the phone.

Cloud seeding has been a pursuit for a number of private companies as well as governments around the world. Vincent Schaefer discovered the principle of cloud seeding in July 1946 and it was used in the Vietnam War and allegedly used to rain out Woodstock in 1969. The ability to create a haboob, however, is light years ahead of anything known to be possible.

Border watchdog Victor Escéptico called the accusations complete balderdash, but said that Mexican elements had indeed caused the haboob.

“Sure, that haboob was all because of Mexico — because it is a land mass that catches storms from the Pacific and sends it north into Arizona,” Escéptico said. “These conspiracy theorists are dim-witted.”

Bruce Philpott, a Glendale, Ariz. gaffer who works at many Hollywood film sites said he hasn’t touched drugs since the 1980s and that he thinks the haboob had nothing to do whatsoever with cloud seeding or drug cartels. He said he witnessed a supernatural event on location in the Arizona desert.

“The director had delayed shooting for a few days because he felt that the sets and the decorations were not realistic enough,” Philpott said. “But when we were setting up for the shoot after a bunch of new stuff had arrived from Egypt, a real life Mummy walked out, yelled some angry stuff in Egyptian and walked off. The storm came up just then and we ran for cover. We searched the next day but we never found anything.”

Philpott said no one did anything because for fear of a Mummy’s curse.

“The executive producer wanted to call Sheriff Joe, but when someone mentioned a curse, he just told everyone they would be getting $10,000 if they signed a waiver,” he said.

Philpott said he came forward because he is worried what the thing might do next.

“This thing was pissed and he is a long ways from home,” Philpott said. “Who knows what could happen.”
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