Godzilla Summoned By Japan To End Nuclear Emergency
The Protector of the Land of the Rising Sun Is Attacked, Delayed By A Squad of Evil Monsters While En Route
According to information received by the Modern Times Magazine Lighter Side Division, Japan has called on Godzilla for help. Image by Mizunoumi.
By Frank Lloyd Wrong
Modern Times Magazine .com
March 15, 2010 — According to confidential information received by Modern Times Magazine’s Lighter Side Division, the Japanese government has summoned Godzilla to end the nuclear catastrophes at the country’s three nuclear power plants damaged in last week’s natural disasters, but he has been stymied by a squad of evil monsters.
“Reports are that Japan’s greatest protector, Gojira, has been attacked and severely wounded while on his way to collect and eat the fuel rods that are currently on fire and threatening Japan and the rest of Asia,” said Ishiro Honda, spokesperson for the Japanese Ministry of Defense. “Our underground base in the Pacific has reported that Mothra appears to be leading the attack.”
Honda said Godzilla began to speed to the island as soon as the quake happened but was quickly attacked by Mothra and a new set of monsters that have not been seen before. Godzilla sustained an epic attack and appeared to be winning when he was smashed in the head with a big rock by a creature resembling a squid.
“The last report we had was that Godzilla has sunk to the bottom of the sea and has been motionless for quite some time,” Honda said. “Godzilla, if you can hear us, we desperately need your help.”
The outlook for the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant is dire. Reports are that at least three of the reactors had fuel rods exposed for an unknown amount of time. All are burning out of control and two have already lost their containment vessels. At the Fukushima Daini and Onagawa nuclear power plants, reports are that they are having similar problems.
Godzilla expert Tomoyuki Tanaka said if Godzilla is able to make it, he will be able to avert the disaster.
“Everyone knows Godzilla was born from the nuclear radiation which Japan inherited in Nagasaki and Hiroshima. He has lasers coming out of his mouth. The “gorilla-whale” would be able to make an afternoon snack out of those nuclear rods,” Tanaka said, “But if those evil monsters keep pestering him, it may be too late for many Japanese.”
Honda said a 13-year-old boy and his 12-year-old neighbor from Miyagi prefecture have been sent to the underwater base since they have a kinetic link with the famous gargantuan.
“They are crying at the windows of the base, pleading for him to get up,” Honda said. “Maybe soon he will get enough strength to rise again and rescue Japan.”
After Japan and Godzilla became friends in the 1970s, the creature with the head and lower body of a Tyrannosaurus, a triple row of dorsal plates reminiscent of a Stegosaurus, the neck and forearms of Iguanodon and the tail and skin texture of a crocodile has been secretly employed by the Japanese government as their supreme form of defense, Tanaka said.
“Few know that Godzilla is real and now that Japan has been threatened by their own nuclear facilities, Godzilla has been called in and they don’t give a hoot who knows he exists,” Tanaka said.
He said some of the issues Godzilla secretly handled in the past include destroying an asteroid on a direct course with Earth, battling other nuclear accidents with bad intentions and assisting in the war on terror.
Tanaka said Godzilla was dismissed by the U.S. government after accepting 100 pounds of uranium for finding and killing Osama Bin Laden but all he did was sit on the bottom of the ocean until finishing his snack.