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Chris Christie: The Presidential Blimp

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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie at a town hall meeting. Image by Bob Jagendorf and used under terms of Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license..
New Jersey Governor Urged To Enter The Presidential Race, But Critics Fear He Might Eat Washington

By Hical Goodyear
Special for Modern Times Magazine

Aug. 10, 2010 — New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has been under pressure from elements within the republican party to take a crack at the party’s nomination next year, but apparently, the man who could put William Howard Taft to shame is fearful of not just running around the block, but for president as well.

“Short of suicide, what do I have to do to convince people I’m not running?" Christie said a few months ago when repeatedly asked about his candidacy.

Apparently, though, if “Governor Sandwich” did any physical exertion — like running — it probably would be suicide. New Jersey is one of the smaller states in the Union, but Christie is one of the largest politicians ever.

He was admitted and released from a hospital in late July for difficulty breathing, and the event was recorded as his worst asthma attack in 20 years. Christie, though, denied the asthma issue had anything to do with the fact that he weighs in excess of 300 pounds.

“If I weighed less I'd be healthier. I've been taking it seriously. It's one of the major struggles of my life. I'm working on it," Christie said.

That “struggle” led to his public flogging over taking a helicopter to his sons’ baseball games and having a limo drive him 100 yards.

Republican strategist Sybil Canker said critics are merely looking for something they can use to attack Christie since his policies and cost cutting have kept New Jersey from becoming insolvent. She also said she thought he would be a great candidate and that few realize the charisma that comes along with the girth.

“He really can be a sexy beast,” Canker said.

Christie, a top-fundraiser for President Bush II in 2000, was controversially named U.S. Attorney for New Jersey after his political buddy and law firm partner William Palatucci forwarded his resume to Karl Rove. Throughout the early part of the 2012 presidential campaign, he has been cajoled to run by the Bush faction of the republican party. While that might be changing with the ascendancy of Gov. Rick Perry of Texas, democratic analyst Palmer Woodrow said Christie is desired as the nominee because Rove wants someone like him in the White House.

“Rumors out of the Bush White House was that Karl Rove never really trusted President Bush II because he is an exercise fanatic,” Woodrow said. “He felt that most people who like to run and mountain bike as much as the former president does are destined to become environmentalists and he was scared of that throughout his two terms.”

Woodrow said Rove sees Christie as an electable version of himself.

“When you think about it, it is not that far from the truth. While Rove and Christie are both enormously fat, Christie still has some hair,” Woodrow said. “Rove looks a slightly younger Mr. Burns from the Simpsons who eats ten bacon sandwiches a day.”
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